So, I’m watching another cheesy adventure TV show (I know, I know… just one of the retarded things I do to kill time while my Superman is gone…) and I just watched another overly dramatic death scene and thought I’d put together a little list.
How to tell a character is going to die/dying
1) When the cameras start zooming in so close to the face you can practically number the character’s pores, but have an excellent view of that single tear streaking out the corner of his/her eye.
2) When the main character has had a disagreement with the going-to-die/dying character (heretofore referred to as Character 2) and storms away. Practically a death sentence in and of itself. God forbid you fight!
3) When Character 2 starts talking in 2 word bursts. Characters can be hurt, and not dying, but as long as they’re not dying, they’ll be able to string together 5 or 6 words at a time. When they’re down to 2 or 3, whip out the tissues, baby, because they’re going to try to make you cry.
Unfortunately, all the histrionics are generally quite lost on the audience, since, I suspect, everyone has their own version of this list, and just laughs at the cheesy tells.